dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
