cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
