I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
