I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
