Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
