Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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