its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
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... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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