If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
