rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
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The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
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I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.