could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dating After Heartbreak
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet