WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
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If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.