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wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
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