I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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