Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize