I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
