I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I AM VODKA MAN
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
