We're like a lot better than the average bears
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
