last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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