you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
