The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
