I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
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No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
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When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Your penis caused this!
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