remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
