She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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