cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize