lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
