They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
