the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you win again, gameday.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize