I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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