She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
