my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
