I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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