Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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