so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
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The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
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Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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