No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
