What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
