I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
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i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
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Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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