If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This is the high leading the old right now
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
