is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You brought string cheese to the strip club
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
