When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
wanna go halves on a baby?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
