Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
