Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
