I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
