peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
