I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize