my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
