I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
