I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
