I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
