The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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