well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
