Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
