u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
