I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
