I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
