lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
