This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we're chasing vodka with high fives
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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