Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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