i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
