I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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