we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
