Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
