you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
