I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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