he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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